Buck Learns About Florida’s Wildlife

Now most of you probably know about the alligators that run free all over florida…

Apparently a small alligator (2-3 feet long) was visiting the pond in back of the Snowbird’s place just last week but 2 men pulled up in a truck and took him.   Strange.  What would one do with an alligator ?  Buck was alerted to the possibility that he could be ducknapped while out at the pond and noted a quick lesson in self defense offered by a fellow bird who visited there.

A rare Sand Hill Crane pays regular visits to the pond.  This bird is endangered and so is on Florida’s protected wildlife list, harming one of the only 5,000 remaining birds comes with a hefty fine.  Sissy Spacetrek was kind and fed the Crane but he seemed a bit cautious knowing that there were kidnappers about.  He was VERY large and appeared to be pretty aggressive but is actually pretty docile. Buck practised some of the following moves in case he needed to defend himself.

Fishing is great in Florida and large mouth bass like this one…

are plentiful.  Florida is a haven for all sorts of birds who migrate here in the winter Buck is not the only one. Apparently other birds have been retiring for years.  Comforting information for a newly retired duck. 

A Day At The Races

Buck had never been to the races and so he watched with great interest to see how it worked.  At first the trainers put the greyhounds into their starting posts..

And then the trainers run to the finish line to get ready to pick up their dogs and the whole while the dogs are howling and barking wanting to run.  Next they release a mechanical stuffed rabbit that whirs past the starting gate (apparently the rabbit is named swifty) and the gates fly open.

Chasing 'Swifty"

They are lightning fast animals.

And it's all over in 30 seconds... simply amazing to see.

Buck Learns That There’s  More Out There… Way More… Way Out There!

The day was lovely, sunny and breezy when they all headed out for another session of  Florida exploration.  Buck,  the lady,  the ambassador and the ambassador’s sister (Sissy Spacetrek- named in honour of the day) all took in a day at the Kennedy Space Centre in Cape Canaveral.  The group rates this place 3 thumbs and 1 wing up collectively and encourages you to include it on your itinerary should you find yourself in Florida.  Space exploration isn’t really covered much by the media these days but when you take a good look at what’s being done… it’s simply amazing. 

                     Buck was thrilled to see that Snoopy had walked on the moon as well.   Woo hoo!

And a great day was had by all

Like A Duck To Water

Buck felt right at home in Florida.  His first stop was the pool and a quick review of the rules …

It all seemed fair and reasonable to him and strangely comforting as well.  Time to check it out...

 CANNONBALL !

                                               

And a leisurely afternoon followed....

Who knows what will happen tomorrow... who cares ?

Buck’s First Plane Ride

Once the bags were packed the only thing left to do was drag them down 2 long flights of stairs to the subway.   The designers of Toronto’s infrastructure apparently never thought of travel in terms of luggage and so lots of subways do not provide ‘all access’ and the station serving the manor made good use of old fashioned stairways.  The ambassador huffed and puffed while transporting each of the bags to the next available landing then running back for the next one.  Buck decided that if he were mayor he would install elevators in all subways.  The lady decided the ambassador was a good egg. The ambassador decided they’d all over packed.

Once at the airport they received the news that their flight was delayed  90  minutes which at first was troubling news to get and then became an opportunity to have a beer.  They just had to get through security first.  At the checkpoint, the lady was re-routed to a special line as her boarding pass had this on it “S  S  S  S”.  No one explained what those letters meant but when they saw them they frowned slightly at the lady and said ‘the airline has selected you for special screening” and when they discovered the ambassador was her travel mate they took him aside and checked his hands  for explosive powders and such.  

The lady was given the choice of a pat down or body scan which seem to trouble her and then before she could answer a small but stern woman appeared and told her to step into a scanner.  She was directed to put her hands over her head in a pose of total surrender while encased in a clear plastic container like a big Tupperware item.  There were no sounds or lights during the scanning and then she was asked to step out and wait for the results.   The lady looked worried like her body would come up on the screen that they were all staring at ( the ambassador ran over for a peek too) but all it showed was a cryptic note and the security lady said ‘You may go now’.   The lady nearly ran from there dressing herself all the while.   It was clear that she was troubled by the whole event and it wasn’t  a great start to the trip but once they made it to the bar,  she seemed to quickly recover. 

Finally, they made it on to their flight and were greeted with 120 children and babies coughing, sneezing, crying and preparing to visit a place called Disney world.  Harried looking parents spent  the next 3 hours trying to keep control of their offspring and the lady turned the volume to ‘max’ on her earphones.  The ambassador was happy to partake of the complimentary wine served by the airline to compensate for the delay and Buck was just thrilled with all of the excitement.

Buck Gets Some Exciting News

It was mid-afternoon and Buck was enjoying some quiet reading time.  He was thrilled that the lady was careless about leaving her Kobo around and only mildly worried when he heard her exclaim ”Geez, why does the battery run out so quickly on this thing?” when she’d scooped it up the day before.  Buck knew the people he lived with underestimated him and he also knew that that was his secret weapon.

Gradually , it became more and more apparent to Buck that this would be no ordinary day.   First of all the ambassador was up early and his tone was brighter and cheerier than ever before.  The ambassador was no singer but on this day he insisted on singing the same line of a song over and over again.  It was clear that the lady was getting annoyed with the repetition but the ambassador took no notice.  His rapture was so overpowering that he didn’t  even see that he’d crossed into dangerous territory.  “La la la la”.  It was a somewhat tense lady that crossed the room and put the radio on hoping to lure the ambassador into a new chorus but to no avail.   “La la la”,  he went on with brief intervals of silence that lead that lady to falsely believe the ordeal was over. Each time she relaxed a new outburst followed until her smile grew taut and then finally ‘Why don’t you go take a shower hon?  I’ll finish the packing” she said between clenched teeth.

As he made his way upstairs the ambassador punctuated his song on each step “La”, “La” “LA!”.   The lady quietly whispered “Give me strength” but Buck had seen her use the weight machine at the gym and he knew she was plenty strong. Sometimes Buck just didn’t understand the lady.  “Wait a minute!”  thought Buck   “Packing?  Where are we going?” Then the answer came from above.  

“What do you think the temperature will be like in Florida?”  the ambassador yelled downstairs. “I’m thinking of bringing my Hawaiin shirt!”.   

“WOW,  FLORIDA!” thought Buck as he grew wide eyed with excitement.  His idol Donald lived there in a large castle.  Buck had seen both him and his wife Daisy on t.v. commericals.  How exciting !

Buck began to plan which of his worldly possessions to bring and was delighted to hear that the visit would last until March 13^th.  Apparently the ambassador’s sister had warmly extended an invitation to join her and her husband in their winter home that had and in-ground pool.  Buck was so excited he could barely think.  He had always wanted to be a snow bird.   He watched anxiously as the lady packed her lap top, “Ah, good” he thought “we’ll be able to keep in touch while we’re away.”

Thus begins Bucks Travels…. 

Buck Learns A Thing or Two

Later that day the nice lady with the plump cheeks transported buck to his new home.  The lady called it “the manor” but really who was she fooling? The first thing Buck learned was that people sometimes embellish to the point of outright lying.   While the lady was nice, she certainly knew how to embellish. The manor was a small 100 year old property with a leaky basement that thrilled Buck.  “An indoor pond, Oh BOY!”  The place needed a coat of paint and the touch of Martha Stewart but it had a heating system and a bath tub and what more would Buck really need ?

 Feeling very much ‘at home’ he was sure that he and the lady would abide happily ever after and then Buck learned something else.  The lady had a life partner named “ambassador”.  It said so right on the side of his shiny silver car. The ambassador was a happy- go-lucky kind of guy but he snored loudly and reminded Buck of the ‘moanie  groanie’ that children at the store sometimes activated by tilting it this way and that.  The lady seemed immune to the many noises that the ambassador made throughout the course of the day, both blinded and deafened by love.

Each day the lady would capitalize the conversation describing the events that transpired during her day and the ambassador would nod and say ‘yes dear’ and ‘what a cockup!’ when rage seemed a more appropriate response.  On the day that Buck arrived the woman chatted endlessly about what retirement meant to her and Buck learned the following…

1.       Retirement means sleeping in

2.       Retirement means not getting molested on the ttc

3.       Retirement means feet up, coffee in hand, Oprah (in that order)

4.       Retirement means getting healthy so you can live long enough to enjoy it

It was this last item that saw the lady remove herself from the couch and head to the Central Y for a grunt and sweat session that she hoped would propel her into immortality.  In the statement  “If I’m going to be miserable and thin, you’re all going to be miserable and thin” the order was clear that the happy group housed within the manor would be moving forward in a new and healthier direction together.

However it seemed the ambassador didn’t get the hint....

In time,  the lady was happy to learn she’d lost 10 lbs. and Buck was happy to give the other gym patrons descriptive names to entertain himself during his trips there.  “The lumberjack” (one leg up on the stool and a swift downward sawing motion to get dry) and “the ballerina” (step into panty hose then leap about like a deranged fairy while pulling them up) were fun to watch but others like “Origami” (a lot of folds) and “The Clapper”  (who evoked odd thoughts  like “that’s funny, I heard clapping when she walked by but she was holding towels in BOTH hands ?” and  “How does she do that?”)  were much less enjoyable.

 Lastly there was “Surely” a friend of the lady who was probably named so because she was surely going to be at the gym when the lady got there and she was surely going to be smiling.  After each workout,  the lady and Surely enjoyed a coffee and evaluated the overall progress that  the planet was making with a critical eye.  Buck enjoyed these sessions for there was much learning to be had.  According to the ladies,  all politicians are liars,  Barry Manilow has had too much plastic surgery and all men are just big babies when they get sick. 

Mostly Buck Learned that anything could happen,  on any day,  anywhere and while that was a bit  scary it was also completely exhilarating.  Buck was slowly becoming  convinced that he was going to enjoy retirement.    

The Buck Starts Here

For as long as he could remember he had hung from a hook wrapped in cellophane next to the party favours and bubble supplies.  He had been happy there in the store until one day when the rubber duck on the hook in front of him was pulled down by a gleeful young girl who asked her mom if she could have it.  That day he was exposed to each and every shopper who might squeeze him or even worse, purchase him and he grew ever fearful.   Where had the other ducks gone ?  What would happen to him?  He began to pray daily for a new shipment to arrive and cover him.  He felt he belonged safely at the back of the hook but it was not to be. 

Just 2 short days later he was pulled from the hook and placed in a plastic bag that partially obscured his vision, peeking out he could see “A Buck” on the store front.  ‘So that’s my name!’ he thought with relief.  He had always wondered.  Buck shivered with anticipation at what might happen away from the safety of the store.  He could make out many noises outside of the bag but could not tell where he was heading.  When the bag finally stopped moving a gentle hand lifted him and freed him from the cellophane that kept him safe and clean but restricted. It was a strange feeling to be so free and yet aware that some protection had been stripped away and he shuddered for a moment until he was placed into a brightly coloured gift bag along with a pink glittery cowgirl hat and some Tim Horton’s gifts.  It felt good to be surrounded by these items, surely this place cannot be a bad place.  A soft giggle by the woman who placed him there was comforting as well.  It seemed that something rather pleasant was about to take place.

  An hour or two passed and then the gift bag began to sway as a distant voice could be heard laughing and exclaiming “What’s this? Did someone get me a gift? How sweet!”.  Many voices started to share good wishes and chuckles as a chubby hand entered the gift bag and removed the cowgirl hat.  “YIPEEEIYO” a voice exclaimed “It’s so me!” and chortles and guffaws ensued as the hand again entered the bag. “Gotta love these !” the voice exclaimed as the novelty rock and roll sunglasses were scooped up.  Buck tried to make himself small and hide behind the Tim Horton’s travel mug but the dreaded hand with the chubby fingers clutched him and pulled him into the overly bright lights of an office environment . 

A quick look revealed many smiling faces making cooing noises as they looked at him and then the hand that held him moved him close to the glowing face of a middle aged woman who had the warmest smile he’d ever seen.  Buck sensed he was among caring people who were sharing a special moment.  He wondered what had brought these people together but not for long.  “I’m going to miss you guys”.  Hmmm, she’s going somewhere he thought.  “I’m really looking forward to retiring and it’s awfully exciting but I hope we’ll keep in touch” she said and her voice quavered a bit making a kind of rubber ducky noise.   This Buck found comforting.  “Retiring?” he wondered.   What does that mean? What sort of adventures lay ahead for Buck? What sort of woman is this who appears to own him now? For answers to these and other questions check back often.

Thus begins, the adventures of Buck.