Buck Learns A Thing or Two

Later that day the nice lady with the plump cheeks transported buck to his new home.  The lady called it “the manor” but really who was she fooling? The first thing Buck learned was that people sometimes embellish to the point of outright lying.   While the lady was nice, she certainly knew how to embellish. The manor was a small 100 year old property with a leaky basement that thrilled Buck.  “An indoor pond, Oh BOY!”  The place needed a coat of paint and the touch of Martha Stewart but it had a heating system and a bath tub and what more would Buck really need ?

 Feeling very much ‘at home’ he was sure that he and the lady would abide happily ever after and then Buck learned something else.  The lady had a life partner named “ambassador”.  It said so right on the side of his shiny silver car. The ambassador was a happy- go-lucky kind of guy but he snored loudly and reminded Buck of the ‘moanie  groanie’ that children at the store sometimes activated by tilting it this way and that.  The lady seemed immune to the many noises that the ambassador made throughout the course of the day, both blinded and deafened by love.

Each day the lady would capitalize the conversation describing the events that transpired during her day and the ambassador would nod and say ‘yes dear’ and ‘what a cockup!’ when rage seemed a more appropriate response.  On the day that Buck arrived the woman chatted endlessly about what retirement meant to her and Buck learned the following…

1.       Retirement means sleeping in

2.       Retirement means not getting molested on the ttc

3.       Retirement means feet up, coffee in hand, Oprah (in that order)

4.       Retirement means getting healthy so you can live long enough to enjoy it

It was this last item that saw the lady remove herself from the couch and head to the Central Y for a grunt and sweat session that she hoped would propel her into immortality.  In the statement  “If I’m going to be miserable and thin, you’re all going to be miserable and thin” the order was clear that the happy group housed within the manor would be moving forward in a new and healthier direction together.

However it seemed the ambassador didn’t get the hint....

In time,  the lady was happy to learn she’d lost 10 lbs. and Buck was happy to give the other gym patrons descriptive names to entertain himself during his trips there.  “The lumberjack” (one leg up on the stool and a swift downward sawing motion to get dry) and “the ballerina” (step into panty hose then leap about like a deranged fairy while pulling them up) were fun to watch but others like “Origami” (a lot of folds) and “The Clapper”  (who evoked odd thoughts  like “that’s funny, I heard clapping when she walked by but she was holding towels in BOTH hands ?” and  “How does she do that?”)  were much less enjoyable.

 Lastly there was “Surely” a friend of the lady who was probably named so because she was surely going to be at the gym when the lady got there and she was surely going to be smiling.  After each workout,  the lady and Surely enjoyed a coffee and evaluated the overall progress that  the planet was making with a critical eye.  Buck enjoyed these sessions for there was much learning to be had.  According to the ladies,  all politicians are liars,  Barry Manilow has had too much plastic surgery and all men are just big babies when they get sick. 

Mostly Buck Learned that anything could happen,  on any day,  anywhere and while that was a bit  scary it was also completely exhilarating.  Buck was slowly becoming  convinced that he was going to enjoy retirement.